My Name is Dudley

by Ian C Black

Jenny was really bubbly when Peter returned from work, much more animated than normal. She didn't greet him as usual.
"I have some news." she said and launched herself at him in a loving embrace.
"What is it?" Peter asked.
"It was a loving embrace, don't you remember them?" Jenny replied.
"What's your news?"
"We're going to have someone to stay."
"Oh, your mother's visiting. No wonder you're trying to butter me up."
"No. Someone is coming to live with us, permanently."
"We are not having her live here."
"Peter!" Jenny exclaimed, somewhat losing her air of happiness. "It's not my mother. We are going to have a baby."
"What, how... That's great. That's wonderful. A baby..."
"Are you ok about it?"
"It's the best news I had for - does this mean your mother will be coming to stay?"
"Will you shut up about my mother? This is our time." Peter and Jenny embraced like they never had before, well, only a few times anyway. They were so delighted.

With pregnancy came changes to Jenny. Not only did her body change as the baby grew inside her, but she changed. Peter was shocked at how much she ate.
"Are you sure there isn't a football team in there?" he asked on one occasion but suffered from Jenny's newfound temper. In fact, he began to work late to avoid Jenny's newfound sharp tongue. This in turn led to arguments when he came home late and was accused to seeing someone else. Her changes of temperament were often wild. When he wasn't being accused of seeing someone else, he was being dragged into the bedroom way before it was time for their cocoa. Peter was shocked by some of the things Jenny suggested and did. It was the best sex he'd had in his life, so he didn't complain - it would have been rude to do so. But he did start to keep a diary, in case Jenny couldn't remember what had happened.

Jenny became very dispirited by her appearance, which was more related to the quantity of food she was eating. When the appointment for Jenny's ultrasound scan came through Peter took time off work to go with her.
" I want to come and see our baby." said Peter. "It's a great day for us both and I want to be there to share it with you."
"You can do the birth bit if you want to share things." Jenny replied.
"I would if I could" said Peter, knowing full well he was safe as medical science hadn't sorted that option as yet.

The scan was wonderful and both Jenny and Peter were in tears as they saw their new baby on the grainy ultrasound image. As they were preparing to leave and Jenny was putting the photo of their baby in her handbag one of the department doctors came in to see them.
"I have the results of your blood test."
"Is there something wrong" asked Jenny.
"No, everything's fine. I just wanted to ensure you knew before you left." Jenny and Peter both felt this was a little unusual, but didn't say anything.
"Just one thing though." said the doctor. "Jenny, you do seem to be putting on quite a bit of weight."
"I'm eating for two you know."
"And the rest." added Peter unhelpfully. He received a glare from Jenny for his trouble, luckily she was too far away to chastise him physically, as yet anyway.
"I'm just suggesting you may plan some careful exercise and what you eat." concluded the doctor in a formal resolution to the conversation, which he followed by a very quick exit from the room. How Peter wished he could follow him. He knew the blame would sit on him for his comment.

Peter was suitably chastised on the journey home and given a number of chores to do around the house as penance. Jenny was exhausted from the hospital trip and promptly camped out on the settee, from where she could command the operations around the house. This became her centre of operations for the next few weeks. Peter would return from work to a list of chores and errands. Jenny became an expert on daytime TV and bombard the exhausted Peter with plans of how he should check out the attic for valuables, ideas about buying a house at auction and doing it up, a house in the country would be ideal for them or should they move abroad.

Peter left work one Friday with the weekend from hell in front of him. Jenny was now heavily pregnant, very heavily, and her mother was coming to stay for the weekend. Although he had concerns that the weekend visit was a ploy for a full-scale invasion. Jenny's mother as commander-in-chief would be a nightmare.

As he opened the front door he could hear raised voices in the lounge.
"You are being a lazy cow." It was too early for Eastenders. He opened the door to find Jenny in her command centre, with her mother standing next to her in full flow.
"This place is in a state. Are you planning on staying there on the settee until the birth?" seeing Peter her attention moved.
"And you need to pull your weight too. This place is a tip. Get Jennifer up and doing things."
"She's pregnant and needs to rest." Peter replied.
"It's not an illness. It's a natural part of life, deal with it."
"Mother. Peter is doing his best. He is a man after all, so not given to doing things properly."
"Can I just say..?" said Peter.
"Shut up!" said Jenny and her mother in unison. This seemed to calm the overall situation and they both laughed.
"Darling, you have got to do things, as much as you can. Remember the baby is being influenced by what you do now. So if you just sit around, that's what your baby will do. Do you want your child to be lazy and idle, like Peter? Of course you don't, so get up and do things. Now I can't stay this weekend, unfortunately I have to go to a spa." With this Jenny's mother made her goodbyes and left.

Jenny was shocked at being spoken to like that by her mother, but it did the trick. Over that weekend the command centre was dismantled and control returned to the kitchen. Peter and Jenny returned to a normal existence.

The following weeks were much easier than any others during Jenny's pregnancy. She kept herself busy, the house was clean and tidy, took on a warm glow and Peter was welcomed home each evening with a smile. Jenny began to lose some of the extra weight and started wearing make-up again.

It was a Wednesday morning when Jenny phoned Peter at work.
"I've started."
"I'm on my way." said Peter cradled the phone and left the office.

Jenny was waiting outside with her case.
"We need to go" she said as he pulled up. She opened the passenger door and got in while Peter put her case on the back seat. They were off on the last journey they would make as a family of two. At the hospital Jenny was taken into a labour suite, throughout the birth Peter held Jenny's hand, suffering with her as the contractions got stronger and her nails pressed deeper into his hand.

Then it was all over, they had a healthy baby boy. Peter forgave Jenny for all the swearing, under the circumstances, and one of the staff put a dressing on his bleeding hand. Peter sat with Jenny and their lovely little boy.
"Have you thought of a name?" asked the midwife.
"No." They both said, almost unable to accept this baby was really theirs.
"You'll work out what his name is." said the midwife.
"What do you mean, work out his name?" asked Peter.
"It is said that a baby's names should relate to the effect they had during the pregnancy. If you look at that you'll know his name."
"I have a diary of what happened." said Peter. He handed it to the midwife who looked though the various entries.
"You have had a time of it haven't you. But if you look at the behaviour this little man has caused you over the last 8 months, his name has got to be Dudley."
"Why?" asked Jenny.
"Because." the midwife replied, "You have experienced each of the Seven Dudley Signs."